Month 7: The First Recital   Recently updated !

I used to title the posts pertaining to my mother’s death by the number of days she’d been gone. Day 11, Day 42, Day 87. I kept up with those days the same way a new mother keeps up with the weeks since her newborn’s birth. But now, it’s morphed into months. Too many days have […]


Regret

Shock, deep sorrow and mourning are only a few of the emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one.  But eventually, thank God, the shock wears off, the deep sorrow is lessened, the mourning wanes more than it waxes. However, one emotion that forever remains constant is regret. It […]


If I Didn’t Have Jesus, I’d Probably Be in a Straitjacket

I’ve never worn a straitjacket. However, I’ve forgotten my coat at a freezing fall softball game. I pulled my arms into my shirt to keep warm and sat there looking like an idiot. Unfortunately, a foul ball came over the fence and sailed straight towards me. You’ve never seen awkward until […]


Day 111: Living

One hundred and eleven days since my mother’s beauty graced this earth. One hundred and eleven mornings I’ve woken up and immediately thought, “She’s gone.” It’s been an awful one hundred and eleven days. It’s been an awful task to face each day without her here. But I do it. I fix […]


Letting Go

I stood at my mother’s kitchen door and watched the large moving truck painted with ivory keys and musical notes back into her driveway. As the truck reversed, the gears grinded and an annoying beeping noise echoed through the crisp winter air. I leaned my forehead against the door and, […]


Day Eighty: Rejoicing in Sorrow

It’s old news that my mother passed away eighty days ago. It’s old news that my father died when I was eleven. Four years have come and gone since we lost my godfather. A year has now passed since I miscarried. My last grandparent died in 2006. Those are some of the major […]


Day Seventy Seven: Anger

I don’t know the five stages of grief by heart, although I should after all of the “grief” reading I’ve done over the last seventy-seven days, but I do know that anger is one of the emotions. And I’m there. Right now. I’m angry. I’m angry that both of my […]


Holiday Heartbreak: Missing My Mother

My father died four days before Thanksgiving 1992. I was only 11, but I well remember that Thanksgiving meal at a chain restaurant. I remember poking my fork at dry mashed potatoes and bland sweet potatoes that couldn’t compare to my mother’s. I remember feeling very unthankful that I was fatherless at such […]


Day Fortysomething: Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs

Yesterday was damn near debilitating. I was so overcome with sadness that I didn’t even want to get out of the bed. I left church early because I was nauseated and thought I was going to hurl on the poor unsuspecting family sitting in front of me. I thought maybe I […]


Day Forty Two

I think the biggest struggle with my mother’s death, aside from the fact that she physically isn’t here to talk to me or give me advice or wrap me in an Elizabeth Arden-scented hug or make me a Mississippi Mud Cake, is that this is the first loss I’ve suffered without […]