As a Wife, I’m Guilty of These Five Mistakes (And You Probably Are, Too)

After writing I’m Guilty of These Five Parenting Mistakes (And You Probably Are, Too), I knew that I needed to write a post that pays homage to the major muck-ups that I make as a wife. Maybe I’ll also blog about the mistakes that I make as a rainbow loom maker, Turbo Tax user and fitted sheet folder. Seriously, when it comes to mistakes, I’m experienced on how to make them in all areas.

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. It’s sometimes hard to believe that if our relationship were a person that it would be in the 7th grade, donning shiny braces and saying asinine things like “cray cray” and “totes.”

Like all relationships, we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve had arguments that ended with slamming doors and Michelin tires screeching down the driveway. We’ve declared our love and apologies over the phone once our tempers and transmissions cooled down. We’ve talked out our problems until the sun came up or one of husband’s farts lightened the mood. We’ve prayed together, cried together, laughed together and gotten food poisoning together after eating disgusting undercooked burgers doused in Heinz 57.

Most importantly, we have prevailed. We have persevered. We are raising two unbelievable children (despite our parenting mistakes), and we both have the same vision of someday pointing our rocking chairs towards the west, watching our grandchildren score major grass stains on the lawn and sharing Glucosamine and Chondroitin supplements.

However, as a wife, I make mistakes. And I make them often. I don’t need other wives telling me what mistakes I make, because I’m aware of them. You don’t need me telling you what mistakes you make, either, but you probably make these.

1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I sometimes forget that my husband is my husband. He’s been around for so long that it seems like he’s just some dude leaving crumbs of Wavy Lays on the couch and dirty boxers on the floor right next to the hamper. I forget that he’s a hard worker, a wonderful provider and a loving father. I forget that sometimes my sarcasm and jokes hit below the belt. I forget that my job as his wife is to encourage him, compliment him, value him and support him. I often forget that he deserves my utmost respect.

2. Let’s Get It On

I’m tired. I’m tired a lot. By 9 PM, the only things on my mind are folding the laundry, putting the kids’ snacks in their backpacks, locking the doors, feeding the malnourished fish, setting the clocks, brushing my teeth, lotioning my ashy elbows and getting into the bed to watch a show that does NOT involve animated pirates, sappy music while Danny Tanner resolves an issue, restoring cars or selling rare finds at a Las Vegas pawn shop. I want to relax and heave a collected sigh of relief that the day is done. I have no desire to play birds and bees. But, by God, men need it. My husband is just as in need as the hungry Betta Fish. I need it, too, but not as much as my husband. This doesn’t mean that I’m abnormal or completely lacking a libido. It just means that my testosterone levels aren’t as high as his. I often forget that sometimes I shouldn’t be selfish. Sometimes I should meet the need, whether or not I’m in the need-meeting mood.

3. Nothing Compares 2 U

Since the day my first child was born in 2006, she has been my reason for living. When her brother came alone in 2010, he ranked right next to her on my priorities list. My children’s happiness and well-being far trump anything in my life. Sometimes their needs trump my husband’s happiness and well-being. Date night shouldn’t solely be about my SAHM batteries recharging and how many margaritas I can consume before it’s time to go home. It should be about refreshing our relationship. I often forget that my husband needs my attention, my encouragement and my admiration as much, if not more, than my children.

4. Control

I may make a ton of mistakes, but I know how to properly load a dishwasher. I also know how to hang a picture where it will be the most aesthetically pleasing in our home. I can discipline a kid and cook a meatloaf and I can pick out window treatments. I don’t need help in any of these areas, but my husband sometimes thinks that he should deposit two pennies into those accounts. Before I even hear his suggestion on how to cram more dishes into the dishwasher or where to hang the portrait or how to spice up dinner, I shoot him down (see #1 R-E-S-P-E-C-T). Sometimes I  make him think that his idea is the worst idea since Miley Cyrus squatted on a wrecking ball.  I often forget that my husband has pretty good ideas and although I’ll never admit it to him, that picture would look better over the mantle.

5. Pretty Woman

I once sent my husband the most brutally honest text message: “Let me know what time you’ll be home so I can get out of my pajamas and appear to have been productive today.” Some days the extent of my beauty regimen is brushing my teeth and popping the zit on my chin. If it’s a particularly cold day, I refuse to wear anything that didn’t come from the Gap Athletic Wear Collection. (FYI- you don’t have to actually be athletic to wear athletic wear). But, I know my husband appreciates it when I look nice. He never fails to tell me that I look beautiful when I’ve cleaned up and accessorized with scarves and dangly earrings. Some women like to believe that “inner beauty” is all a man needs. Newsflash- it’s not. Inner beauty is a wonderful, pure, lovely, noble thing. But a man also appreciates a nice looking woman. I’m not saying that all women should morph into June Cleaver and mop Kool-Aid from the floor while wearing stilettos, but I often forget that removing eye boogers, washing the Crisco from my hair and trading the yoga pants for regular clothes once in a while is a step in the right direction.

Some days I feel as if I’ve really mucked up the whole wife-y thing. I rudely rolled my eyes at my husband, I didn’t pat him on the back when he really needed it, I put my own needs and my children’s needs before his. And the guilt sets in because I’ve got a really good man- he’s faithful, he’s hard-working, he’s kind, he’s easy-going. Watching him interact with our children still melts my heart and makes me smile.

I often forget to do the right thing in our marriage, but I’ll never forget how much I love my husband. That love is what fuels my desire to be better. That love is what makes me better today than yesterday. That love is the same love that will be in my heart when we rock on our back porch and watch our children and grandchildren. That love will be there when I forget to buy him Miralax or put tennis balls on his walker. I’ll always make mistakes, but that love will always remain.





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About Susannah

I'm a freelance writer, blogger, aspiring best-selling author, wife of one and stay-at-home mother of two. I was chosen for the Top 13 in Blogger Idol and contribute pieces to The Huffington Post and Hahas for Hoohas. My work has also been featured in several humorous e-books, "Southern Writers’ Magazine", "The Humor Daily", "The Funny Times" and on the Erma Bombeck website. When I'm not putting pen to paper, bandaging boo-boos or spraying Shout on unidentifiable stains, I enjoy reading, playing the piano and teaching my children all about Southern charm. God has blessed me beyond measure and to Him be the glory forever.

36 thoughts on “As a Wife, I’m Guilty of These Five Mistakes (And You Probably Are, Too)

  • littlemisswordy

    I’m right there with you and appreciate this reminder. It’s too easy to get caught up in all the demanding roles we have to fulfill and neglect the role of partner, supporter, lover, and friend – all of which make up “wife.” Great post!

  • Lisa @ The Golden Spoons

    Great list! #2 – most definitely! Why do they NEED it so much?! I think that correlates with #3 – I spend so much time focusing on my kids’ needs, my needs’, the house’s needs, etc. – I put his “needs” last and it just becomes something else on my to-do list. That’s not fair to him.

  • Gaye @CalmHealthySexy

    Thanks for these very good reminders. I take just a tiny bit of exception to #2. Not that our husbands don’t “need it,” but that sex is (or should be) about us too. It’s just that it’s very easy for us wives to lose track of our sexuality in the busyness of our daily lives, whereas our husbands rarely lose track of theirs! When sex primarily becomes “something I do for him,” it’s almost inevitable that disinterest and resentment will increase. One of the best things we can do for ourselves and our marriages is to keep a focus on maintaining our own sexuality and sexual interest.

  • Sandy Ramsey

    I swear to you, I could easily have written this post. Really, I’m kinda pissed I didn’t because it’s fantastic. I have to read this to my husband to let him know he’s not alone in the game of “Where’s My Wife?” Loved this!

  • Christine Carter

    Oh Girl- YOU KNOW IT!!! Every last one of these I am guilty of doing!!! I love your honesty- so true and quite frankly, so encouraging to know I am NOT the only wife who struggles with these things..

  • Hana

    I guess you mean well Susannah. This article would have been apt for the ideal providing husband. However, I could not agree on a few points. From a working woman’s point of view, it aches my heart to realise that despite giving it all – and including all the 5 you’ve mentioned above,there are women who are shortchanged. Alot of articles I have read target the wives as the tired unwilling sex partners, who should give in to their husband’s needs. However, there are cases where the wife is deprived of her sexual needs, the willing party, no matter how exhausted she may be, is deprived by her husband. This not only saddens her but depresses her confidence. Despite good looks and a good body, sexy lingerie and perfume, there are wives who are rejected by their husbands, who are great fathers and who earn for a living.
    Rule out the talks on low sex drive, medical conditions, a past affair etc. What if all the talks are fruitless but a marriage has to last for the sake of the kids who adore their parents? How does a wife proceed with only emotional love and no physical love despite working hard for the family?

    I do look forward to your views on this.

    • Susannah Post author

      I agree with you. I stated in my article that I have a wonderful husband- I was merely writing about mistakes I make in my marriage to a great man and that other women married to great men probably make the same mistakes. I could never write an in depth piece that would apply to ALL marriages- how could I? I only have experience with my marriage. As for sex, I’m certainly not deprived but in all honesty- sometimes I do not WANT to do it after a long day and my extremely PATIENT husband is usually ok with it- but I refuse to believe that all women only have sex when they are the only one in the mood. Paying it forward and treating others as you’d like to be treated is usually well received- but when I wrote about the same things being applied to marriage, suddenly I’m a submissive idiot. I appreciate your comment and the fact that you expressed your opinion to me in a rational way. Thanks.

  • Ala Damra

    I just came across your page and I love you already. And your relationship with your husband. God bless you both, you are the perfect team. Remind me a lot of my husband and me. 🙂

  • Maril

    I saw your article on Yahoo! and thought maybe it would contain fresh, new advice.

    You’ve basically laid all the blame on the woman, and you appear to follow a Surrendered Qife lifestyle. Keep it to yourself, and don’t taint the current generation of bright, young people. Women should not be objectified because of our appearance.

    The tips you suggested are great for WASPy housewives like yourself. Real women have other priorities than devoting their lives to their husband’s wants and needs.

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