We all know the song, “Hooked on a Feeling” that begins with a bunch of “ooga” noises and nonsense. Personally, I always preferred BJ Thomas’ version of the song, but I’m a weirdo like that.
I was reminded of this song after a recent argument with my husband.
Years ago before vows were exchanged and children were born, we were hooked on a feeling. We were consumed by the “honeymoon phase” of our relationship. We had arguments, yes, but we would run back into each other’s arms within a few minutes, giddy and grinning with butterflies fluttering in our bellies and pheromones running rampant.
We were “in love”.
Over time, like any other relationship, those butterflies flew the coop and the pheromones dialed back a few hundred decibels. But guess what?
We are still in love.
We aren’t 21 anymore. We aren’t a party of two anymore. We have children, responsibilities, bills to pay and tasks to complete. We don’t gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes while we try to decide what movie to see. We don’t say, “no, you hang up first” when we talk on the phone. Our honeymoon phase is long gone.
But we are still in love.
Often times I’ve wanted to hit my better half over the head with a cast iron skillet because he left his boxer shorts on the floor. I’ve wanted to scream and yell. I even admit that the devil has taken control of my emotions and placed it in my mind to throw in the towel, file the papers, search for that “honeymoon phase” with another- even though my husband has done absolutely nothing that deserves such careless action.
So many marriages fall apart today because one half of the relationship believes the enemy’s lies. The giddiness is gone. That loving feeling has been lost. And this seems to be a wonderful reason to put asunder what God has brought together.
How my heart aches at this realization.
Love isn’t merely a feeling.
Feelings are fleeting.
Feelings are fickle.
Emotions wax and wane.
Love is so much stronger than that.
Love is an action.
Forgiving is love. Encouraging one another is love. Being a good role model is love. Lifting up one another is love. Keeping your mouth shut at certain times is love.
Doing these things when we don’t feel like it is love.
When you’re overcome with negative feelings (or lack of feelings) for your spouse, remember what you’re experiencing. You’re experiencing feelings. Fickle, fleeting, ever-changing feelings.
Don’t confuse them with love.
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.