Hormones from Hades


My doctor recently put me on hormones to help with my fertility issues. God help us all.

I searched the side effects sheet but didn’t see any of the following:

  1. Overactive Appetite- Far surpassing that of a Grizzly Bear taking Prednisone.
  2. Overactive Tear Ducts- I cried at a Jeep commercial.
  3. Overactive Oil Production- My face resembles a Red Baron pepperoni pizza.
  4. Overactive Breast Tenderness- I almost sucker punched my son when he threw an elbow into my topside.
  5. Overactive Mood Swings- I’ve sent my husband, children and small animals scurrying for cover to escape my wrath.
  6. Overactive Sense of Smell- I thought Ore Ida French Fries smelled like Bordeaux’s Butt Paste.
  7. Overactive Fatigue- I’m not talking about being a little drowsy. I’m talking about borderline narcolepsy.
  8. Weight Gain- See Number 1.

Let me repeat. God help us all.

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About Susannah

I'm a freelance writer, blogger, aspiring best-selling author, wife of one and stay-at-home mother of two. I was chosen for the Top 13 in Blogger Idol and contribute pieces to The Huffington Post and Hahas for Hoohas. My work has also been featured in several humorous e-books, "Southern Writers’ Magazine", "The Humor Daily", "The Funny Times" and on the Erma Bombeck website. When I'm not putting pen to paper, bandaging boo-boos or spraying Shout on unidentifiable stains, I enjoy reading, playing the piano and teaching my children all about Southern charm. God has blessed me beyond measure and to Him be the glory forever.