Santa Eats Roast Beef

After church this morning, my daughter and I decided to go to lunch solo, sans the male members of the family. It’s only day 3 of Christmas break, and my husband and her brother are both getting on our nerves, respectively. So, we left them to eat ham and cheese […]


Dear Girl

Dear Girl, The time will one day come when you and I clear the shelves at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Grab those fluffy pillows and picture frames and a zebra-printed comforter. You’ll love that groovy bean bag and shaggy rug and plush towels and what the hey, let’s throw in […]


Dear Boy

Dear Boy, As you sleep peacefully on your top bunk in Spiderman pajamas with your inseparable ratty teddy bear under one arm and Hulk under the other, I think about how quickly you’ve grown. It seems just like yesterday you were pooping your Pampers and puking your peas. Before I […]


This Storm

Storms come into all of our lives. Sometimes, like radar, we see them ominously approaching. Other times they can appear as quickly as the sudden summer shower that causes us to haphazardly throw all our crap in the beach bag and scurry for the hotel. When these storms come, for […]


Dear Young Couple

Dear Young Couple, I don’t personally know you, but I spent 45 minutes observing you last week. Wait. I’m not some stalking psycho. Before you reach for a can of pepper spray or notify the authorities, please allow me to explain. You were standing in line at a tourist attraction […]


That’s Enough, SAHM’s

Oh, the poor, exhausted stay-at-home mother: her yoga pants constantly covered in little people’s various body fluids and her dreams of backpacking across Europe flushed down the toilet with her cell phone (courtesy of her toddler). The sad, resentful woman with a sink full of dirty dishes, a hamper full […]


Whoa! Susannah’s Moving Pictures

Hey guys and gals (Mostly gals. Guys tend not to put up with my nonsense for long). I’ve heard the cry from the masses. “Do more videos, Susannah. We really want to hear your whiny, Southern drawl. It’s mesmerizing.” And I’ve fulfilled your requests with TWO new You Tube videos. In […]


Cancelling My Guilt Trip

I remember swiping a grape from my hometown grocery store’s produce department when I was about 8 or 9. Before the dirty purple sphere made it down my throat, I knew I was destined to burn in hell for stealing. The guilt was so unbearable that I could never again go grocery shopping […]


Cheer Up or Dry Up: Hooked on a Feeling

We all know the song, “Hooked on a Feeling”  that begins with a bunch of “ooga” noises and nonsense. Personally, I always preferred BJ Thomas’ version of the song, but I’m a weirdo like that. I was reminded of this song after a recent argument with my husband. Years ago […]


An Open Letter to the Mysterious Stranger Who Loaded the Dishwasher

Dear Mysterious Stranger, When I arrived home from church last night, I was shocked to see that the sink wasn’t cluttered with plates crusted in ketchup or cups stained with sour organic chocolate milk. I began to wonder where the dishes that I had left in the sink only hours before had […]