I just discovered that the main ingredient in Unisom is the same ingredient in Benadryl. How can one super ingredient cease your sneezing and cause you to slip into a light coma? I mean, anything that causes you to slip into a light coma ceases sneezing. Have you ever seen anyone sneeze while they are asleep? Given this information, is it safe to say that mass amounts of tequila also help with hay fever? Mass amounts of tequila make me sleep, hence I am not sneezing. Do you people see my point? Is there a point to be made here? Quite possibly, the answer is no.

Here is the point. I am under the influence of Benadryl because pollen is an asshole. This means that I am half asleep. This means that this post could very well turn out horrendous. For other examples of my writing while under the influence of diphenhydramine, please go here and here. I promise reading those two posts will be highly entertaining and terrifying. Kind of like getting the runs in public. 

Ahem. So, this post is going to hit on several things. Bear with me. 

First of all, I wanted to tell you about my three day cake binge. My daughter celebrated her 6th birthday last week, followed by three days of cake. Three days of shoving the most delicious combo of eggs and sugar in my face. Three days of chocolate induced heart palpitations and running around with icing on my lips, constantly thinking about cake, wanting it, needing it, my own little private cocaine-like binge, if you will. 

Since we had three days of celebrations, I ordered enough cake and cupcakes to feed the Duggar family. However, I ordered too much cake. I had enough of the sweet goodness to feed around 70 people. I overestimated by about 20. So, now I am left with enough cake to feed 20 people. My husband told me to throw it away. I slapped him for saying something so blasphemous. 

I must eat this cake. I must not let it go to waste. I must devour it at every opportunity. And I must quit shouting out to my family, “Do you guys want some cake?” before they have me committed. Shit is getting serious. 

So, here I am, on a sugar high and a Benadryl low. The sugar is my upper, the Benadryl is my downer. What is the druggy term for taking uppers and downers, and your body is so damn confused that you must sit and blog because you don’t know what else to do? Lowballing? Highballing? Correct me if this terminology is wrong. I’m not familiar with drug paraphernalia and slang. I can’t believe I just spelled paraphernalia correctly.

Moving on. 

We spent the weekend at the lake. I was overlooking the calm water, devouring cake, feeling oh so bloated and unattractive in my bathing suit, when I discovered that I had received another blogging award. As a smile covered my face, and dried icing fell to my fat lap, I decided that I must whip out the laptop as soon as I got home to pay this award forward.

Side note: Everything I own contains batteries that don’t work worth a damn. What is the point of having a lap top if it has to constantly be plugged in? I upload one picture and make one 30 second phone call and my phone says “F you” and the battery dies. Our golf cart battery just went kaput, too. I told my husband I wanted a gas powered computer, phone, and golf cart. He said I couldn’t smoke while I used any of those things. He’s the smart one in this duo. 


I got on that side note because my body totally wanted to get up and go type somewhere else, but I am confined to this spot because I am near a plug in. Damn you, lap top. Your new name is desk top. Yeah, desk top. 

This rambling, my friends, is the product of taking uppers and downers i.e. sugar and Benadryl. I should totally be the star of an after school special.


Back to this blogging award business. 


It seems like just yesterday I got my first blogging award, even though it was way back in April. Oh my goodness, April. I’ve progressed soooo much as a blogger since then. That was like, what, 2 months ago? 


You can see how overjoyed I was to get my first award here. I was tripping balls, dude. I was all on the phone with Aunt Ida and all like, “Yeah, Ida, I got a blogging award. Yeah, a blogging award. A BLOGGING AWARD! I GOT A BLOGGING AWARD! No, Aunt Ida, A. BLOGGING. AWARD.” 


Oh, did I mention Aunt Ida can’t hear? For the last two months she thought I got a Flogging Accord. This is where you beat the shit out of people in your Honda. 


So, I’ve gotten several blogging awards since waaaaay back in April, but I am still as stoked as I was waaaaay back then. I might call Aunt Ida. Between my Benadryl low, sugar high, and her rampant use of blood pressure medication and deafness, that would be THE phone call to end ALL phone calls. But, my gosh, it just seems like so much work. 


I met a wonderful girl named Pish Posh when I started hanging out with the awesome group of humans at Yeah Write. The first post I ever read of hers was about a Velociraptor. Need I say more? Hell, I can’t even pronounce Velociraptor. I probably shouldn’t say more. 


Pish Posh is a pretty smart English-major person. I am a kinda smart English-major person, so I found an instant connection with her. She has a lot of writing experience, and I absolutely love reading her work. She writes wonderfully, beautifully, humorously. I’ve been known to spew shit forth from-eth my nose-eth when I read-eth her. This makes her a friend for life. 


This awesome lady, with her awesome writing skills, nominated a sort of awesome me with a blogging award. I’m humbled, to say the least. 

With this award, I am supposed to share things about myself and then pass it along to other bloggers. I am going to skip the sharing things about myself part, because with the state of mind I am in, I might share things you do not want to know. 

That story about the time in 8th grade with the white pants and Aunt Flo is popping into my head as I am trying to beat it back down into my subconscious with a piece of cake. I mean, you don’t want to hear that story. Oh, gosh. Now that story about moonshine, a double stuffed burrito, and projectile vomiting is stepping forward. See, I think I will skip the sharing facts about myself thing. 

And the blogging community heaves a collective sigh of relief. 


Are you still with me? I didn’t think so. 


Side note number 2: my neighbor’s garbage can stinks really bad. I haven’t seen her husband in three days. I watched Hitchcock’s “Rear Window” last night. I am starting to jump to conclusions. Not good. 


Where was I? 


Oh, yes. Blogging award. 


Here are some really great bloggers that you should read. If you don’t, I will be forced to ask Pish Posh to let a Velociraptor loose upon you. You don’t want that, my friend. Not in the summer months. Too hot to be mauled by a large prehistoric reptile in my opinion. 


Here are some good bloggers. Quit reading this shit and go read theirs. 


Good Youngman Brown
Mayor Gia
The Somewhat Sane Mom
Two Beans Or Not Two Beans 
Creative Devolution
Fifty Shades of Peach 
Confessions of a Semi-Domesticated Mama 
Jamie Miles 
MamaMash 
5 Things About Nothing Important 
Our Journey 
Shiftless Mommie 

For the bloggers that I have bequeathed this award to…yes, bequeathed…..ahem, you do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, have to pass it along, unless you just really want to do so. I understand that you have other obligations, deadlines, children to de-louse, dogs to de-flea. I just wanted to give your blog a shout out because you’ve either made me laugh, cry or urinate on myself at some point. All are good things. Okay, MOST are good things. 

Good day, sir. 

I SAID GOOD DAY!