Are you confused by the title of this post?

If no, then you’re awesome. If yes, then click here and you’re about to be awesome.

Let’s climb through Terence’s dreads, get out of the 80’s and back to the present.

I’ve been a bad, bad girl.

And yet Santa still managed to bring me the Golden Girls DVD box set.

Finally! Just by owning this outstanding collection, I’ve reached the epic peak of awesomeness. I couldn’t be more awesome if Eddie Vedder posted a  Facebook photo of himself sprinkling magic unicorn dung onto my ponytail. 

But, I’ve still been a bad, bad girl.

Jen Provenzano (what an awesome name), who blogs at Life on the SONny Side tagged me in a post several weeks ago, and since it is holiday themed and all, I should have paid it forward by now.

But, I’ve been unusually busy.

You know, with baking and shopping and pacing in front of the medicine cabinet while trying to talk myself out of taking anxiety medications while my husband lies on the couch scratching his crotch, and the toddler boy is running around naked sucking on a Hershey’s Syrup bottle, and the 6 year old girl tells me that she just tweeted Justin Bieber from my telephone and she’s on the verge of tears because he won’t reply.

And I’ve been busy with serious things, too.

My mother had a mini stroke a few days before Christmas. Praise be to God that she is now fine and well and no damage was done, but it scared me to death. I mean, stroke is a scary word, whether it’s a mini one or not.

It turns out this small stroke was caused by extremely high blood pressure, which is now under control with new medications. But I was so anxious about the situation that I had a full on panic attack and three zits grew on my face in a two hour time span.

I know that Christmas is over, but the assignment was to make five wishes for the Christmas season, and then tag five bloggers to participate.

I’m not going to tag five bloggers because, well, Christmas is over.

So, basically this is a post about five of my wishes.

Read on, if you so desire.

I wish you would.

And no, that’s not my first wish.

Wish 1

I wish my butt didn’t resemble oatmeal. Once that second child was born, my backside seemed to melt like a snowman screwing a cat in a wool sock. I don’t know how this happened, but I don’t like it. Not one bit.

Wish 2

I wish my facebook “friends” would quit posting pictures of their dogs in clothes. Spot looks like a moron in a toboggon.

Wish 3

I wish my father was alive to see my children. (I threw a serious one in there, didn’t I?)

Wish 4

I wish I had a huge home overlooking the Maine coast. I would sit on the porch and write all day. Scary enough, I keep picturing the house from “The Good Son”. And Macauly Culkin keeps appearing at the end of the porch shooting at me with nail guns. Bad wish. Bad wish.

Wish 5

Komodo Dragons.

I know what you’re asking. Where is the verb? Komodo Dragons doing what exactly? The answer is, I don’t know. Just Komodo Dragons.

So, here is the part where I’m supposed to pay this forward to five other bloggers and have them share their wishes with their readers and so on and so forth.

Guess what? I’m not doing that part. I already told you that up yonder.

However, feel free to tell me your wishes in the comments below and blog about the same subject matter.

I would like it to be known that of course these aren’t all serious wishes. I have some pretty serious wishes, but I don’t call them wishes. I call them prayers.

Thanks to awesome Jen for being such a wonderfully witty lady and tagging me in her wish list.

Happy eggnog and bean dip to you all.

Christmas Wish Komodo dragons Life on the Sonny Side Macauly Culkin