I woke up last week with a tickle.

You know the tickle. The one in the back of your throat that predicts buckets of thick, yellow phlegm, labored breathing, a fever and five days of bed rest.

Yeah, that tickle. Bad tickle. Bad, bad tickle.

I always go to the grocery store on Tuesday. Always. Every Tuesday of my life. I’m at the grocery store. Every Tuesday. That’s where you can find me. Always. On Tuesday. Forever.

But by Tuesday, I was hacking up stuff that resembled butter, and I was so fatigued that I couldn’t pull myself out of bed to fix my son’s Pop-Tarts. I was certainly not able to go to the grocery store.

As I was lying in the bed on Tuesday afternoon, starving because our cupboards were bare, I turned on the local news just in time to see an amazing story.

A deer had busted through the front glass at my grocery store and gone “buckwild”. A patron had to tackle the bloody deer to the ground and it eventually had to be euthanized.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up.

What did you say, Susannah?

A deer. A real live animal deer. Busted through the front glass. At MY grocery store- not one of 15 other grocery stores in town, but MY grocery store- and it took off down the aisles, bleeding, and causing sheer panic. At MY grocery store. And it was tackled by someone that was probably wearing a NASCAR t-shirt and slippers. And it happened at the very time when I usually shop. At MY grocery store. And television crews and animal control swarmed the place. And some woman probably tried to defend herself by throwing soup cans at the animal. And I missed it all because of a wretched sinus infection? Is that right?

Yes, Susannah. That is right. You missed the most interesting thing to happen in your grocery store since the deli salad bar added three new types of cheese.

Is the sinus infection a blessing because I was in bed hacking up phlegm instead of witnessing Venison Gone Wild, or is the sinus infection a curse because I was in bed hacking up phlegm instead of witnessing Venison Gone Wild?

Oh deer. I just don’t know.

 

 

 

 

Deer Grocery SAHM Sinus Spring