It is a boring day when I am reduced to blogging about an appliance, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. I do have two people that are extremely blog worthy today, but blogging about them would lead to serious repercussions. The first being my husband. My husband does not enjoy jokes at his expense, and I have vowed to not blog about him here. Although our conversations are usually quite entertaining, I do not want to end up divorced for the sake of a dumb ass blog. The second person I could blog about-at length-will remain nameless. This person would certainly pick up on the fact that they are subject of my ridicule, which would lead to WWIII and my life would resort to living hell for a period of time. I can’t risk this, either, even though it is so tempting. So, I am going to blog about my dishwasher. It’s lame, I know.

My dishwasher is that appliance that you see in movies that some child is scared of and some housewife imagines beating to a pulp-much the way Michael Bolton went gangsta on the copy machine in “Office Space”. My dishwasher is the equivalent to the furnace that Kevin McAllister feared in “Home Alone”. It is the washing machine that Michael Keaton went to war with in “Mr. Mom.” My dishwasher is the appliance from Hell.

Hubs actually bought me a new dishwasher last month, but Lowe’s has yet to deliver it. I am waiting on the phone call that says they are on the way with my new quiet appliance, as if I am waiting on Ed McMahon to call to tell me I have won Publisher’s Clearing House. On a side note-is Ed McMahon still alive? I will have to Google this.

When my dishwasher begins to fill with water, it sounds as if a pipe has burst in the house. It one time frightened my neighbor into thinking we should exit the premises immediately because she was about to be covered in water. This is followed by about 8 cycles of pure torture. It literally sounds like a freight train hitting a nitroglycerin plant. I am surprised my Pyrex isn’t in pieces by the time the cycle is done.

The plumber came out last year to check on this beast when I knew it was linked to my migraines. He said the dishwasher was not installed properly. He literally applied JB Weld to the top of the thing and stuck it back under the cabinet. I thought this was a redneck way to fix things, but he said it would help keep the thing in place, hence, reducing the horrible sound. The plumber was wrong.

My house has an open floor plan and the kitchen and living room are basically one large space. I have to time the dishwasher around what comes on television. My husband is tired of trying to watch “House” over all the ruckus. I started setting it to wash dishes after we all went to bed, only to wake up terrified that the house had been hit by a 747.Yeah, I guess I could just wash dishes by hand, but who am I? My grandmother?

My daughter is constantly begging me to do crafts with her. I am not a crafty person. I never looked forward to VBS. Just teach me about the love of Jesus and let’s leave the popsicle sticks out of it. I don’t do crafts. I am sorry, but I don’t.

I finally found a craft that I enjoyed making. After making references to our dishwasher being a beastly animal that, if had teeth, would certainly remove itself from the cabinet and eat me in my sleep, we came up with this craft. It’s rather crappy instead of crafty, but like I said, I don’t do crafts.  I should put this on Pinterest…..if I knew what Pinterest was. Yeah, that’s supposed to be teeth.

Beware this Frigidaire

Cheap Dishwasher