The bragger, the conceited, the overly proud. If these people were a Facebook status, I would dislike the shit out of them.
Bragger: “Did you see my new Land Rover? Isn’t it amazing? I totally deserve it. My husband spares no expense when it comes to spoiling me.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s a pretty sweet ride. He probably feels guilty for banging all those cougars at the Country Club.”
Conceited: “Don’t I look great? I lost 23 pounds today. I’m sexy and I know it.”
Me: “You’ve got a little vomit on your chin.”
Overly Proud: “My kid is amazing. On top of being gorgeous, little Labyrinth is also the state Origami champ and she put together that entire Lego Hero Factory 3.0 set. Did I mention she is 2?”
Me: “My kid can whip your kid’s ass.”
Don’t get me wrong. I’m certainly proud of my beautiful and smart children, I’m proud of my weight loss, I’m proud of the things that my husband has provided for our family. Blessed is an understatement. It’s perfectly awesome to share your blessings with others. I just don’t like people that make a point to shove their blessings in my face every time I happen upon them. The laxative aisle in Wal-Mart is not where I want to hear about how you are so awesome to perfect Julia Child’s hot fudge recipe. Buy some Hershey’s Shell and shut up.
So, I always feel a bit icky about sharing any sort of accomplishment. Of course it is good to be proud of yourself, but I’ve always preferred the humble route. There’s no need in shouting from the rooftops that you successfully digested 96 ounces of steak. People know you scarfed down the ass end of a cow. If they are a good friend, they will congratulate you on their own, without your shoving the gold plated bovine trophy in everyone’s face and droning on about it every time you see a bottle of A1.
Anyway, I’ve got a little accomplishment that I wanted to share with my blogging peeps, but I don’t want to be a braggy biznitch. I don’t mind being called a biznitch as much as I mind being called braggy. Oh, the horror.
A couple of months ago, I entered a short story contest for Southern Writers Magazine. It made perfect sense. I’m Southern. I Write. I use magazines to swat at mosquitoes and utilize that bathroom basket that has no other purpose. Kismet, right?
I’m very critical of my work. After I submitted this short story, I was all, “That was some junk. I think I used too many commas. Asinine. This whole thing was asinine! I’m not going to win. I’ve been defeated. Self loathing is sinking in. Where the hell is the Nutella and my kid’s sand shovel?”
The short story that I submitted is totally not humorous. I’m supposed to write funny, and this story got a wee bit on the serious side. I didn’t write about puppy mills or anything, but it definitely wasn’t a story to provoke a guffaw. I had failed as a humorist. Is considering myself a humorist braggy? I mean, I’m not that damn funny. Holy shit, I’m so confused on bragging, etiquette and how to view myself.
Moving on.
I won. No, no, I didn’t win first place. Or second. Or even third. But, I got in the top ten. Yeah, top ten, out of probably 8 million and 23 infinity zillion entries. So, that’s pretty good, right? Wait, that was braggy.
When I found out the news, I was stoked. I called my husband. I called my mommy. I called Ann Curry. I gloated in it for a few minutes, and then guilt set in. Was I bragging? Was I being conceited? A little too proud? Would I dislike myself if I were a Facebook status?
No.
I loathe those people, and I’m not one of those people. I’m actually humbled that I won anything. That’s okay, right?
The magazine asked me to send in a photograph, a short biography, and my local newspaper information so I can be featured, in black and white, next to the local happenings column, which I am sure will somehow involve a chicken, a lice outbreak and the words “Rock-a-Billy Fest”.
When I was typing up my biography, I didn’t quite know what to say.
“When she’s not writing, Susannah enjoys eating cheese.”
No.
“A stay at home mother of two, Susannah just refilled a Xanax prescription.”
No. That’s not even true, either.
“Susannah enjoys backpacking across Europe on Tuesdays and reading Don Quixote to lepers on Thursdays.”
Perfect.
I managed to belt out something or another, which I ask that you be sure to read when it comes out in August’s issue of Southern Writers Magazine.
If I don’t see it too conceited, I will be sure to post a link on Twitter and my Facebook page.
Don’t dislike the shit out of it, okay?
YOU ROCK GIRL!!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!!!! Oh, and my redneck car is about to turn over 100,000 miles, my 16 year old starts schleppin’ Chick-Fil-A grease today, and my 12 year old is about 15 pounds overweight. How’s them braggin’ rights??????
Hahah! You never cease to make me laugh! Thank you!!
First, Congratulations!!! That must be so thrilling!!!! Yay, YOU!!!!
I completely understand about the bragging concept. I was you. I would always feel guilty and uncomfortable sharing good news, afraid of how it would come off to others, so I would always share the little hardships and bad stuff. Then, not once, three times in a very short period of time, I was told I was negative and not appreciating life… I was too much of a pessimist. I thought, “that’s not true!” Then a professor friend of mine told me, “Life is too short. We must celebrate and acknowledge even the smallest achievements.” So that’s what I do now. Granted not on facebook or twitter, but with family and friends who can stand it. LOL!
Thanks! I really try not to be pessimistic, but you are absolutely correct. Thanks!
So cool! I didn’t even know us Southerners had our own writers magazine! This is an actual accomplishment. Brag away!
We do, my dear girl, we do!
OMG THAT’S FANTASTIC!!!! Can’t wait to read it. Brag on girl!
Thanks, Robin!
SO DESERVING!! No – you were not braggy, and I’d tell ya because that crap bugs me to no end. It’s why I just about stopped posting much on Facebook because I don’t want to sound all, ‘I’m awesome and my poop don’t stink’ so I mainly just cruise through and read everyone else’s, ‘Harvested my own mangos this morning and then ran 10 miles, followed by mimosas on the back deck….’ and I move on. 🙂
But I think sharing good news, especially among us wannabe writer bloggy folks is a perfect place to know that it will be received the way it was intended and you will be recognized for the good work, genuinely. Thanks for sharing because it offers me some hope and encouragement!!!
What issue will the story be found? And your feature?
It will be in the August issue. I will brag about it and provide a link. I still have to pay back the blogging award you gave me! I will do that soon as I can! Thanks for your comment!! And, the cruise, mangos, running and mimosa line had me laughing!
Congratulations! You totally deserve to brag. If you won’t do it, who else will? Shout it to the rooftops, you achieved something you thought you wouldnt. That is most definietly worth it’s weight in gold.
Congrats again. So great! 🙂
Thanks, Carrie 🙂
That is awesome! Totally want the link and then I’ll brag about you on Twitter and Facebook. That is how you get around the braggy thing. You get promoters.;)
But it is so weird I’ve never run into you while backpacking across Europe on Tuesdays and reading Don Quixote to lepers on Thursdays. I guess it’s not such a small world.
Ellen
Thanks, girl! IT is a large world, after all. I can’t believe I haven’t bumped into you at the Leper Quixote meeting yet.