My mind is devoid of all thoughts and ideas. Absolutely devoid. It’s shut down like a firework stand on the fifth of July.
It’s not that I haven’t had anything blog worthy happen over the last couple of weeks. You know me. Something blog worthy always happens in my presence.
I celebrated my 21st birthday for the 11th consecutive year, my mother got married, I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to go bass fishing and caught an 8,000 pound cement boulder and a case of hives.
I spotted a sign advertising an “indoor yard sale,” to which my husband commented, ‘Wouldn’t that just be a store?”
I watched two cats mate on the top of an 87 Chevrolet Beretta. Maroon in color. The car, not the cats. I sang “Raspberry Beretta” to the tune of Prince’s “Raspberry Beret.”
I’ve done a lot of swimming, a lot of yelling, a lot of driving, a lot of picking up miniscule pieces of plastic, i.e. Barbie accessories.
I worked on a fundraiser and realized I don’t like working on fundraisers.
I worked with some people on a fundraiser and realized I don’t like people, either.
Two pots of impatiens died, I re planted more impatiens, I’m watching them smother in the heat as well. Oh, and we got rain. We finally got rain. My yard turned green and the Beagle down the street recovered from heat exhaustion.
I heard a new Trace Adkins song. I vomited.
My husband’s four wheeler fell off the back of the truck. At an intersection. While we were moving.
My boy said a couple of new words. None of which included, “Mother, I don’t need anything from you right now.”
The girl has two more loose teeth, she met two new boyfriends, asked for Justin Beiber concert tickets, and is really excited about starting 1st grade. No, not 10th grade, but 1st grade.
I may be 31, but I still got depressed at a back to school commercial.
I saw a horse drinking out of an above ground pool.
We all went to the dentist. I had to have my fillings replaced. It turns out that silver shit they put in my mouth back in the 90s is all dangerous and stuff. With this new ceramic filling, I can chew on aluminum foil with ease. What I’ve always wanted.
I got two more blogging awards. I am again thankful and humbled. Please check out the two ladies that awarded me- Jleesblog.com and my buddy, CLR. They have both made me laugh on numerous occasions. I love them for that.
I single-handedly planned my mother’s wedding. It was wonderfully fun, but I have new respect for David Tutera. I bet he sees tulle and baby’s breath in his dreams. Poor bastard.
The boy lost a sippy cup. I found it. He lost another one. I found it. He lost three more. I found two. There is a sippy cup of 2 week old milk somewhere in the house. I’m a nervous wreck.
I finally caught up on Dexter Season 6. He’s still killing people and trying to find a human connection.
I came up with a great idea for a new book. I pitched the idea to my husband, and he didn’t think it was all that awesome. We got in a huge argument. However, if he doesn’t think its all that awesome, then it probably is. Check your local Barnes and Noble for it in 2014.
My sweet girl can officially swim and do mad tricks off the diving board. I’m so proud, but I’ve heard the words, “Mama, watch this!” four thousand three hundred twenty two point four times.
I quit smoking for three days. I went stark raving mad. I started smoking again.
We went swimming pool shopping, house shopping and truck shopping. We came home with a free beach ball, some pamphlets and a key chain.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
I apologize.
PS- More apologies to my fellow bloggers. I’ve been a bad girl, not reading or commenting on the plethora of great posts the past few weeks. But, as you can see, I’ve been busy. I mean, watching a thoroughbred drink out of an above ground pool! Who has time to read blogs when that kind of action packed entertainment is going down?
Oh no, never try to quit smoking on summer vacation! I’m considering trying hypnosis myself. If I ever come up with the money, I’ll let you know how it works out. Or I’ll blog about it.
Please do! My lungs are butta. (Butter)
You certainly have a much more interesting life than me. I’m jealous. And girl, when those back to school commercials come on, I know it’s one more day closer to that first glorious day of school when I have my annual party for myself, by myself. That is my favorite day of the year. WHOO HOO!!!!
I want to come to that party. You’re fun.
wow…you have been busy….and I feel the same as Just Keepin It Real…you have a more interesting life than me! Been wondering where you’be been. And now I know! I do a lot of picking up after my dog instead of the kids. My son is 16 and getting closer to being out of school…THAT makes me cry. You no like Trace Adkins? or were you sick at the time you heard the song? LOL My flowers are dying: in fact our whole yard is dying. Our trees we planted a few months back are dying…..ugh. and the book? WRITE IT ANYWAY!!!!Anyhoo….glad you’re back!
Oh, Robin! It’s good to see your face! I feel so bad for not reading and commenting on other’s blogs the past few weeks. I need to catch up on everyone’s writing! I no like Trace Adkins. Badonkeydonks, brown cows, and now Them Lips. I’m so sorry your vegetation is dying. It’s been a long, hot summer. I’m going to be crying when my kids are 16. I just know it. What happened to our babies!? Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!!
That was pretty entertaining for “nothing” 🙂 Very entertaining, actually!
In July I quit drinking Pepsi Max for two weeks and I’ll never do that again and that’s probably no worse than three days of quitting smoking!
I went without Dr pepper for 3 months. People suffered in my presence.
Well heeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!
I’ve missed you! And here you are! So you’ve been busy! What with cats humping before your very eyes, and plastic pieces dodging and all. Not to mention aluminum chewing! You are wonder woman!
Sounds like you need to come on over where I’ve got this crazy two-week challenge going on for a Nicaraguan hammock to give away! You need to win it, and lay in that thing for a month, recuperating!
Glad you’re back!
Heeeeey! A Nicaraguan hammock? Well, hellz yes, please! 🙂
I absolutely love this! It is completely perfect and maybe you should take blogging breaks more often!!
Yes mam!!
Yay! You’re back. I noticed it about a week ago and kinda got a little upset about it. But then I was like “i’m not sure if we’re bloggy friends enough to be mad about her sabbatical” but then I figured we were and was ok with it.
Of course we’re BFFE. Bloggy friends for eva.
I tried to give up wine, but I just can’t be a quitter!
Loved your post!
Thank you! Quitters suck!
I loved every ONE of these! Hilarious!
I’m going to go all cheesy and simply reply with a 🙂
Blogging in summer is tough. So much going on (apparently.) I’m busy but it’s mostly driving kids places. No horses drinking out of pools on the side of I-95. Bummer.
That is a bummer 🙁
Oh my word I almost died laughing at some of these!
You have an amazing way with words, lady. This is definitely the funniest post I’ve read this week. Yay!
Aw, shucks. Thanks!!
indoor yard sale, hilarious. good stuff, WRR.
Thanks, Dude
Does anyone like working on fundraisers? (Let’s not be friends with them, if they do exist). Meanwhile, surviving the four-wheeler falling off the back of the truck at an intersection should earn you a whole bunch of cigarette-smokin’ goof-off time. That’s stress, lady!
No, let’s not be friends with them. Thanks for your comment. You rock, as usual.
I am glad to be caught up! Ellen
You live a very wild life. Maroon cats doin’ it to Prince, horses swimming in your pools of two week old milk. Watching David Tutera marry your mother and sending your 10th grader to a Trace Adkins concert. Found you at finding the funny and I’ll have to come back for more!
Awesome, come back for more wildness, please!
LMAO!!! Great post!
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Well, young grashopper, if you ever want to quit smoking try Chantix. I smoked for 50 years (yep, 50 years) and it’s been pretty painless to quit this time. I got pissed off a the cost of cigs, didn’t care about heath stuff. Love your writing!
My in laws all quit with chantix. I would try it, but the truth is I just don’t want to quit yet…
Thanks for reading!!! Congrats to you for quitting!
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