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| Randy is shorter than me. And uglier. |
Randy Travis has gotten himself into a steaming heap of dung, hasn’t he?
Oh, you didn’t hear?
Randy was obviously feelin’ a little Randy when he ran out of smokes, got buck naked, wrecked his 98 Pontiac, fell out in the road, and threatened to kill some Texas Rangers. That’s a heck of a night, right?
Did you hear what I typed?
Randy wrecked his 98 Pontiac.
Randy Travis wrecked his 1998, 14 year old Pontiac.
No, I didn’t say the local Sav-A-Lot manager wrecked her Pontiac. I said Randy Travis wrecked his Pontiac.
When I heard this story, I wasn’t shocked that Randy Travis was found drunk, in the roadway, naked as the day Mama Travis birthed him.
I wasn’t shocked that he was going all NWA and wanting to kill a cop.
I was shocked that Randy Travis drove a 1998 Grand Am.
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| Thank goodness that guitar was strategically placed over Randy’s travis. |
Can you picture Vince Gill in a Celica?
Can you picture Kenny Chesney in a Sunfire?
Can you picture George Strait in a Tercel?
Can you picture Randy Travis in a Grand Am?
No.
It was originally reported that Randy wrecked his 1998 Grand Am. Later, the reports were changed from a Grand Am to a 1998 Pontiac Trans Am.
Oh, forgive me, Randy. A Trans Am changes everything.
I mean, a Trans Am. Those suckers have T-tops.
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| “But on the other hand, there’s a golden band, to remind me of- hey, is that John Michael Montgomery’s Mazda 626 parked in the upper left hand corner behind that bush?” |
Randy Travis in a Trans Am changes everything, but it’s still a 14 year old Pontiac.
Eastbound and down, Randy T. Tell Sally Field to walk her fly backs into the Exxon and get you a pack of USA Golds. That kind of thing is expected in a Trans Am.
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| I said go get me some cigarettes, Sally Mae. USA Golds. In a box. |
Yes, it was a Trans Am, but I just couldn’t shake my original vision of Randy in a Grand Am.
Do you know who drives a 1998 Grand Am in the year 2012?
Guys that owe back child support and girls that love guys that owe back child support.
Not Randy Travis.
I woke last night- not once, but twice- with a serious case of the pee myself giggles, because all I could see was Randy Travis, with that wet forehead curl, stark naked, driving a Pontiac Grand Am.
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| “My Grand Am is whiter than the snowflakes that fall in late December.” |
Does anyone remember the Pontiac slogan?
Well, I do.
“We Are Driving Excitement.”
Right on, Randy. Right on.
You are f-ing hilarious! Thanks for keeping me abreast of the latest news – I’ve switched my homepage from CNN to Write, Rinse, Repeat. Keep up the great reporting! Also, I missed you on Yeah Write this week …
My news is totally fair and balanced! I missed Yeah Write this week, too. I will be back soon!
Thanks!!
That is sort of too bad that he got busted.
With the money he was saving on clothes, he could have upgraded to a 2006 Kia.
You’d think.
Haha, Katy Anders. You made me spit coffee. I have a 2007 Kia.
Umm, your drawring (intentionally misspelled) looks more like Lyle Lovett. I CAN imagine the Ex-Mr. Julia Roberts driving a Grand Am.
I’m fascinated that Randy (who I love for many of my wife’s favorite songs) is still noteworthy enough to be on the news. Oh, wait… that explains the 14 year old car, the drunkenness and the nakedness.
I’ve always loved Randy. And he’s always reminded me of Lyle Lovett, so the drawrings turned out perfect!
Hilarious!
Randy was hilarious enough on his own!! Thanks!
As a Texan, I can say every Texan knows who Randy Travis is. He shouldn’t need to pay for smokes!
Heck no! It’s Randy Travis we’re talking about!
*whisper* I don’t know who he is… but I laughed anyway 😀
hahahaha! This.is.awesome. Love the drawings, especially! Way to censor. 🙂
Haha! Thank you!
I just keep picturing Randy riding in the back of my ’91 grand am from high school ” the pearl” that had a hole in the muffler and the driver’s side window would not roll down and I am laughing so hard I am about to pee my pants! Except he is drinking natural ice not coors!
I can totally see Randy Travis drinking Natural Ice!!!
I just keep picturing Randy riding in the back of my ’91 grand am from high school ” the pearl” that had a hole in the muffler and the driver’s side window would not roll down and I am laughing so hard I am about to pee my pants! Except he is drinking natural ice not coors!
Love the curly Q!
Randy does, too!!
good posting about Randy Travis: Live! at the Grand Ole Am
Damn it…now I’m gonna be waking with the pee myself giggles! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at him the same way again!
Never ever forever and ever again. Amen.
Welcome to Dude Write. I hope we’re making you feel at home. By the way, please vacuum up the pork rinds before you leave. Any other tidying up would be appreciated. Just kidding–I don’t get many opportunities to unleash my inner oink. Great post by the way. I’m your latest member. Come visit me sometime at Chubby Chatterbox.
Will be visiting ASAP! I will clean the pork rinds this one time only.
Thanks for the comment!!
I am new to your blog from the DudeWrite site. I’m writing a post for it tomorrow too. Yours cracked me the eff up. You have a new follower lady. Mine isn’t funny so much as it talks about how I used to fight a ton. I figured I’d better write manly, for such a manly site, since my blog is usually about girly shite.
Thanks for the follow!
I dig girly shite. I also dig whipping the hell out of someone.
You sound like a win-win in my book!!
Randy Travis in a Pontiac is like seeing Peyton Manning in a Broncos uniform….it just ain’t right!
True dat.
Poor Randy! How humiliating that one little musical note can cover up his package! I bet he likes the guitar pictures a whole lot more 🙂
Fun post!
Hahaha! Thanks!
This was his payback for Black Dog. Great post.
Truer words have never been spoken!
Thanks!
HAHA! This is a riot! I’m hanging in the Dude Write man cave this week too. You’re gonna be some STIFF competition!! (I felt that a little penis humor was in order here.)
Lol! Penis humor is always in order. This post isn’t my best. I was just dickin around.
Well that’s pretty damn good for just dickin’ around. Can’t wait to read more and see what you can do when you’re in full coital mode!
I said the exact same thing when I heard what he was driving then pictured the gold t-top with the eagle across the hood and laughed my ass off.
Randy didn’t even have the eagle! Epic fail, RT.
I stopped at your third sentence and said to myself, “A 1998 Pontiac? Really?”
So glad we had the same thoughts the rest of the way. Awesome post!
See? Absurd, right!!?
Thanks!
What a perfect storm of fail for him.
Glad you joined us this week!
Thanks!
gah I loved this post. Because I love randy travis. and trans ams…and the epic fail that this is…
I have loved write.rinse.repeat for a while.
moreso now. Good luck with the dudette thing. 🙂
Thank you, my friend!!!
Cory Feldman soliciting prostitutes in a Geo Metro. THAT is the only think I can think of worse than RT in a Pontiac.
That said, my dream car is a 77 Trans Am Special Edition. Haters gonna hate.
I actually dig the 77 trans am. Classic. 98? Not so much.
Feldman Geo Metro….yes.
As the girlfriend of someone who owes a lot of child support and drives a beater, I know just what you mean 😉 god you are so funny!!xxoo
Oh Randy. Forever and ever amen.
Haha! Thank you for the comment and the laugh, Pish!
Loved this! I can’t ride in a Trans Am without wondering who lost their virginity in the back seat. Now I’ll have to think about Randy Travis naked in one.
Exactly!!!
Thanks!
Welcome to the Dude Write, awesome post!
Too bad no one told poor Randy that unless you’re Bert Reynolds, the uniform of choice for driving a Trans-Am is black jeans, white high tops, a wife beater, & a leather jacket.I hope the cops didn’t swipe any of his casette tapes when they searched his car.
I’m sure he had some contraband hidden in the pile of cassette tapes and the grey, soft leather wrapped gear shift.
i sure hope this didn’t damage Randy’s awesomely beautiful face.
bahahahahaha
This is sarcasm, right!!?
My bff from high school drove a Grand Am. I won’t say what year, but it was before that. But it was new!
Very funny take – and no, I didn’t hear what had happened to him. So glad you informed me!
It is unfortunate that Randy Travis suffered a massive stroke in 2012. He is crippled from the stroke and according to all accounts, he will never sing again. You might not like him, but no one deserves to be crippled…for anything.
I never said I didn’t like Randy Travis. I wrote this piece before he had a stroke. Simmer down.