I’m thankful for the time I’ve spent with my kids today. I’m thankful to finally get my nerdy eyes on the new Hunger Games movie tonight (I’m slightly obsessed with the book series). I’m thankful for my family, my friends, the blessings, the forgiveness and the mercy that God has bestowed upon my life.
But today is still a sad day for me.
Twenty one years ago today, November 22, 1992, my daddy died. Twenty one years. My God in Heaven, I cannot believe that he’s been gone for more than twenty years.
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| Daddy, me, authentic Glow Worm and Cabbage Patch Kid, circa 1984. |
If my daddy’s death was a person, it would legally be able to drink. That, to me, is absolutely surreal.
And although twenty one years have passed, I still remember him well.
I remember the sound of his guitar as he strummed Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth”. I remember the sound of his raspy voice singing the words. “Stop, hey, what’s that sound? Everybody look what’s going down.”
I remember his hands, tan and wrinkled by the sun. The tip of his right first finger had been chopped off in an accident when he was a boy. I remember examining the smooth nub and thinking it was the coolest and most bad-assed thing in the world.
I remember the feeling of his mustache grazing my cheek when he gave me a kiss goodbye.
I remember riding in his Chevrolet truck, the radio always on the oldies station, Cool 103. I remember telling him what a stupid song “Mr. Big Stuff” was. And I remember him laughing and saying, “Who do you think you are?”
I remember sitting in the golf cart watching him play 18 holes while he screamed directions at the ball flying through the air.
I remember looking up at him when he was surrounded by his friends. He was the one doing the talking, they were doing the laughing. I remember thinking my daddy was the funniest person in the world.
And I remember the not so great things.
I remember the pain on his face as he gripped his chest and collapsed in the hallway.
And I remember fearing that I’d forget my daddy. I mourn for that eleven year old girl that studied her father’s face in the casket, wanting to engrave every line, every wrinkle, every sunspot in her mind.
I’d already discovered my passion for writing before my father passed away. I’d dabbled in poetry and short stories since I was eight years old. And shortly after he died on November 22, 1992, I sat on our ugly nineties floral couch, and I wrote the following poem.
Cold November, I hate you so.
On the 22nd of your month, someone special had to go.
He left me alone on that cold day.
He left me there, alone to pray.
My life was changed on the twenty second.
My daddy left me and went to Heaven.
On the 22nd of evil November, my daddy was gone.
I hope I remember him after it’s been so long.
I was a stickler for rhyming things back then…
But, I do remember him. It has been so long. Today marks twenty one years.
And I remember him just fine.
I’m thankful for that.
I hope you and your family have a peaceful and joyous Thanksgiving.
Thank you, CC! Same to you!
I miss him too.you are the special treasure he left me.
Susannah, this is beautiful. I teared up reading this. I was 18 when he died. I remember when I heard about it. Can’t believe it’s been that long. Everyone loved your daddy…. Billy Brown… great name :). Your way with words is inviting and contagious. Happy Thanksgiving! You have the coolest family every 🙂
Anna Bishop
Aww, Susannah.. this is a beautiful tribute. The details are vivid. He comes alive in your writing. Great poem for one so young, highlights your talent even then. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday. Don’t forget your sunscreen!
What a beautiful tribute to your daddy. So sorry for this kind of loss in your life. It’s awful, and yet I have a good feeling he is very much in your life…for 20 years and always.
This really is a beautiful tribute to your father, simply beautiful.
I keep laughing every time I read your tagline about the banjo.
You write so beautifully. Your words keep him alive. Thank you for sharing him with us.
Thank you everyone for your beautiful comments! Means so much to me.
This was beautifully written and and such a special tribute to your father. I am a new follower and this was my first post to read. It truly touched me.
Welcome aboard! Thanks for following!!
Welcome aboard! Thanks for following!!
I lost my dad October 4, 2012. 13 months and 18 days ago. Thanksgiving was my favorite time with him and I miss him so….this Daddy’s girl is trying everyday not to lose those memories, too.
Hold on to them, my friend. Blessings to you.
Dear Susannah!
What loving words!
Your words, so eloquently written, so detailed, made me feel like I knew him!
I can definitely see where you get so many of your talents from! Both mom and daddy!! And his sense of humor….you have the same!!! Wonderful! It is amazing that your parents love of music, and creativity continues through you, and now your children!!
You were able to love him through the great, fun, guitar playing times!
And when you would watch him trying to clean up the things that weren’t so good, you managed to still be proud of him and love unconditionally !
I know what you have taught me lately, and it has changed so many things!
Thinking about you today, always!!!
Well, this made me cry. A lot. Thanks, Mrs. Cathy. Means much to me!
This is such a beautiful post. Raw, real, honest. I loved it … Because I can feel how much you love him.
Thank you for sharing it. Blessings to you.
Thanks so much 🙂
You were the apple of his eye, my sweet sissy, and he was the best step-daddy to me. I miss him too. Love you!
Billy Brown Joyner- I thought of you today sitting at the piano. I heard your voice singing “Desperado” with me. Together we sang ” It may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you”