We all know the song, “Hooked on a Feeling” that begins with a bunch of “ooga” noises and nonsense. Personally, I always preferred BJ Thomas’ version of the song, but I’m a weirdo like that.
I was reminded of this song after a recent argument with my husband.
Years ago before vows were exchanged and children were born, we were hooked on a feeling. We were consumed by the “honeymoon phase” of our relationship. We had arguments, yes, but we would run back into each other’s arms within a few minutes, giddy and grinning with butterflies fluttering in our bellies and pheromones running rampant.
We were “in love”.
Over time, like any other relationship, those butterflies flew the coop and the pheromones dialed back a few hundred decibels. But guess what?
We are still in love.
We aren’t 21 anymore. We aren’t a party of two anymore. We have children, responsibilities, bills to pay and tasks to complete. We don’t gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes while we try to decide what movie to see. We don’t say, “no, you hang up first” when we talk on the phone. Our honeymoon phase is long gone.
But we are still in love.
Often times I’ve wanted to hit my better half over the head with a cast iron skillet because he left his boxer shorts on the floor. I’ve wanted to scream and yell. I even admit that the devil has taken control of my emotions and placed it in my mind to throw in the towel, file the papers, search for that “honeymoon phase” with another- even though my husband has done absolutely nothing that deserves such careless action.
So many marriages fall apart today because one half of the relationship believes the enemy’s lies. The giddiness is gone. That loving feeling has been lost. And this seems to be a wonderful reason to put asunder what God has brought together.
How my heart aches at this realization.
Love isn’t merely a feeling.
Feelings are fleeting.
Feelings are fickle.
Emotions wax and wane.
Love is so much stronger than that.
Love is an action.
Forgiving is love. Encouraging one another is love. Being a good role model is love. Lifting up one another is love. Keeping your mouth shut at certain times is love.
Doing these things when we don’t feel like it is love.
When you’re overcome with negative feelings (or lack of feelings) for your spouse, remember what you’re experiencing. You’re experiencing feelings. Fickle, fleeting, ever-changing feelings.
Don’t confuse them with love.
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
Dear Susannah, How your post touched me tonight. I’m struggling so much right now in my marriage because all the feelings seem to be gone. We often go to sleep back to back with an invisible wall between us. I can completely relate to wanting to smack my husband over the head…most of the time because he leaves underwear in the bathroom, a pile of socks under the desk in our room and doesn’t seem to know that the dishes don’t just go into the dishwasher themselves. Often I have told myself that things would be better if I gave up completely and just got out of what started out as such a happy relationship and after ten years isn’t all rosy…far from it. I want him to look at me the way he did when we were dating. I want him to say I’m beautiful. I want so much from him and I struggle with resentment when he doesn’t give it. It’s a long journey and we’re not giving up on each other yet, but there is a cruise in our future (January to celebrate ten years) and there are days (many) that I struggle with not wanting to toss him overboard the moment the ship sets sail. ~L~ Thank you for your words. Today they particularly spoke to my heart. To get a handle of what I’m going through, you can feel free to read my blog at shesanauthor.wordpress.com and the entry entitled Serena’s Song.
Thank you again for speaking the truth in love.
Thank you so much for such an honest, raw and beautiful comment. I just read your post and was so moved by it. I tried to reply to it (twice actually) but I’m not sure if it went through. You have a beautiful way with words. I’m so thankful that my post could touch you today. I pray for restoration in your marriage. God bless your life in each and every way! (Subscribing to your blog, too. You have a great gift for writing and I would love to read more!)
AMEN to THIS my friend. Marital love goes BEYOND the fleeting feelings and dives deep into sacrificial Christ like love. It’s amazing how God will bless our ‘feelings’ when we stretch beyond them… 🙂